An INFJ, an ENFP, and an INTJ Walk into a Lab...

"This is Ronald," the ENFP happily announced with a face-splitting grin. "He's an INTJ." She pursed her lips after a second. "I'm sorry, but he's kind of wrapped up in his work, so he may be annoyed. But don't take it personally! He's really an awesome guy, I swear!"

The INFJ stood in the doorway for a second, examining the livelihood of an INTJ in its natural habitat. From the carefully crafted/agonizingly sorted metal shards, prototypes, and scraps, the woman could tell he was fiercely into his hobby - or job, whatever it was - and might be drooling over the architectual blueprint of the rocketship he was digitally drawing at the moment. He was also a purist... maybe, from the Organic Food From a Can wrappers that were sitting on his desk in a neat little tray labeled ORGANIC FOOD FROM A CAN WRAPPERS. The room looked safe enough.

Clearing her throat, the INFJ stepped inside and waited for something to happen. The roof might possibly cave in. Or maybe the ENFP would accidentally hit a secret lever with her foot and fall down a long, dark, but very safe tunnel into a giant room filled with a robot army waiting to be voice-programmed to take over the world. That could happen.

Actually - the INFJ examined a blueprint of a robot, a tunnel, and a lever right next to the doorway - that was about 80 percent likely to come true with the chances increasing each time the ENFP bounced around, waiting for the INTJ or Ronald, whoever they were visiting to look up. The INFJ cleared her throat and wondered if she ought to speak. It might not be acceptable. She was a guest in the INTJ's home after all and it wouldn't be very polite to speak when not spoken to. However, since this was an INTJ, he might enjoy that. Or he might kill her. With a robot army. It was all very thought-provoking and made her want to lean against the wall so she didn't have to focus on standing, just figure this out, and all at the same time the ENFP was in great danger of falling down a-
... hole.

Both the INFJ and the INTJ burst out in different pained cries of distress as the ENFP's foot finally tapped an invisible lever and a hole appeared under her feet. She screamed a scream of delight that began to fade away the deeper she went.

The INFJ then stared at the hole as the INTJ whirled to his computer and began typing desperately. Please be alright, she thought. I hope you didn't smash awfully into a wall, or a robot prototype, or an actual robot. You were a wonderful friend and I'll miss you very much. She turned to the INTJ then; maybe there was something she could do. "Ronald?! Trapdoors are dangerous!!"

"Don't tell me what's dangerous! I don't step there!"

"But what about people who visit you?!"

"I live alone."
>8(

The INFJ shut up because she didn't really want to continue that argument when her friend had just fallen down that rather large hole in the floor. Swallowing her fear, she hurried to the edge of the hole and leaned over the edge. "Whilmaaaa! Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay. Never better!"

The INFJ and the INTJ leaped to their feet; the INFJ overjoyed, the INTJ's soul crushed into tiny metaphysical matter that was being scattered to the seven dimensional corners of the universe at that very moment. And the the INFJ realized her friend was riding a robot. "Why are you riding a robot?" she asked.

"Why not?" the ENFP grinned back. "I have a whole army! Now I can save thousands of people from being mauled by grizzly bears every year. This will be the best thing that has ever happened to Earth!"

The INTJ stumbled forward. "15796," he finally gasped. "You are commiting an act of irresolutible mutiny!"

The robot turned its head. "Who. Are you?"

"I made you! I am your master, 15796-279865! I command all you MalificentMaestrosdeDiablo Version2.5s to obey me, not the blatantly impromptu woman riding you as a creature of burden!"

The INFJ suddenly realized that the ENFP was eating an ice cream cone and still grinning. She wondered how she got it.

"Master." The robot turned to the ENFP. "What is the meaning of. Master?"

"Someone who you listen to." She patted 15796's head lovingly. "Who do you want to listen to?"

"I listen to. Master."

"It's okay," the ENFP smiled warmly at the INTJ. "I'll keep them all in good hands. Don't worry."

There was a lot of marching as the robots marched back up to the earth's surface.

The INTJ's lab was underground, the INFJ remembered. And then she remembered him. Ronald. Whoever he was. She glanced at the man out of the corner of her eye. He looked broken - or, well, not precisely broken. Generally speaking, he looked like he was livid, but the INFJ could tell that inside, he wanted desperately to weep after his lost heart and soul, even if he looked like his eyes were going to Buuuurn the ENFP or something like that.

Swallowing, the INFJ uncurled her hand. This... this was definitely very scary. She'd never met this INTJ before and even though he hurt, he did look very frightening. Maybe he didn't want any comfort. But then again, all people had hearts right? He liked his robots very much, even if she didn't. She ought to be able to empathize with that (or copy-and-paste his pain onto her own soul) decently enough. The INFJ stretched out her fingers.

Pulled them back.

Stretched them out again.

Then eveeeeer so slowly, inched her way, palm up, towards the INTJ without looking at him; like he was a wild animal.

Maybe this wasn't so great an idea after all. She could just go home and have a cup of tea. Find the ENFP and join her saving people from grizzly mauling - that wouldn't be such a bad fate either. And then suddenly the INTJ saw her outstretched arm and sniffled.
It seemed very out of character for him, even though the INFJ had known Ronald for about two minutes. She cleared her throat. "Are you... okay?"

"Yes."

... which was an heinous lie.

The INFJ decided to try again. "Ah... well, are you-"

A large explosion tossed them to the far side of the room. When they struggled to their elbows coughing, they saw the entire front wall of the room was missing - all the metal prototypes - and daylight could be seen from above.

"SORRY," the ENFP screamed. "TRYING TO GET THE HANG OF THE LASER-HANG GLIDERS!!!"

The INTJ suddenly fell into the INFJ's arms, sobbing.

They stood like that for several minutes, while various emotions ran through the INFJ's mind since actual thoughts had since been short-circuted. Some like and about the normal comforting routine were confusing and very liable to shooting down, but the ones that were all D: and //table fliiiip// and //scared raggge// bounced around until the INTJ straightened up. He cleared his throat, eyes somehow no longer red. It was like he'd never been crying.

"I apologize for my profusely human actions," he stated in a low monotone before going over to the computer and booting it up. "My robots were my life's work and the prototypes were the only vague memory of the ones I had left. However, fortunately, there is a slight miscommunication in the breeding program of these robots because I attempted to use Japanese hardware rather than my own. If I will be able to power up my computer to access it my army will be temporarily destroyed and hopefully reset on my own terms."

The INFJ shook her head after a moment to process it. "You- you mean," she managed. "That the hug-"

She suddenly choked.

"I.... hugged someone?"

"There is a bottle of rubbing alcohol in the bathroom two doors to your left down the second hallway if you feel it is necessary."

"NOOOOOOOO," The INFJ dropped to her knees with tears of her own in her eyes. "I'M MARRIEDDDDDDDDDDD."

-=-

It turned out the INTJ felt the same way and they lived together happily-ever-after with lots of baby robots with flawed breeding programs.

The End.